“I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.”
~ William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew
“You want my children? Take them! I have the instrument to make more.”
~ Caterina Sforza when blackmailed by kidnappers using her children as leverage (main source: Niccolo Machiavelli)
“We fulfill the demands of nature in a much better way than do you Roman women; for we consort openly with the best men, whereas you let yourselves be debauched in secret by the vilest.”
~ Earliest recorded words of a Scot, third century AD (never change, Scotland).
You can get pretty good results by saying, “Well {verb} my {noun}!” It always ends up sounding quaint. It’s like the mad libs of incredulity
- Well kiss my grits!
- Well steam my hogs!
- Well string my banjo!
- Well iron my shirts!
- Well paint my deck!
- Well trash my patio!
- Well crash my harddrive!
- Well tear my pants!
You get this for “well trash my patio”.
When my late husband said, “why you syphilitic son of a bitch” I knew that he was really angry at someone and if he said “rats in a dishpan” then something just went haywire. He passed away 30 years ago now and I have never heard another person say those things.
…I have never heard another person say those things.
Haha, I can totally relate to someone making up expressions, then sticking with them. For example, a couple I made up for whatever reason, and still employ with a frequency:
- Oh, rabbits! (expression of surprise, sometimes used as a mild curse)
- Well, shut my mouth and spank my bottom! (surprised, Southern-style)
- Smooch my ruby, red rump! (tauntingly, Bender of Futurama-style)
.
EDIT: Oh, and my grandpère used to loudly exclaim “Fiddlesticks!” when he was obviously angry or deeply annoyed. I’ve never heard that term used ever across old literature, films, etc.
EDIT2: Back when the TV series Deadwood was running, I remember someone online asking ‘why are they swearing using completely modern terms?’ and someone else answering ‘because if the show used authentic curse words, the characters would all sound like variants of Yosemite Sam.’
I dunno, speaking as a Naked Gun / Zucker fan, I think I might have enjoyed that! :P
Fiddlesticks is a known English term. It’s a mild oath like dang or darn.
“Oh rabbits” sounds like something Wallace and Gromit would say.
I love it. I’ve been enjoying “MotherFather” as a soft landing out of habitually cursing when frustrated.
i think Steve Martin said MotherFather Chinese Dentist
“Ketter” meaning heathen.
My grandfather used it recently: “I used to smoke like a heathen”.
A she bitch of a goat’s gizzard
I say “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph” as an exclamation to this day.
I’ve started saying “Oh Buddah” just to mix it up a bit
That reminds me, I once heard an irritated dad at a kids playground yell “cheese and rice”!
Same.
I have a Day of the Dead (1985) drinking game that includes taking a drink whenever the alcoholic says, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” It’s the only real catch-phrase in the movie, and since he’s usually taking a drink too I don’t feel like I’m drinking alone.
