Idk what to do. I might be trans, might just be someone who wants to look cute and I can’t tell the difference anymore. Also permanently transitioning will come at great personal cost and might be a unique safety issue. Also I never had any dysphoric thoughts before 26-27y of age. I’m 31 now I’ve lived most of my life as a straight man maybe just keep going lmao. But I do have gender envy for days. Point being why now. Also it’ll break my mother’s heart if she so much as sees me in a skirt. Dad’s too lol. Say what you will about ‘that’s on them, not your problem, transphobes bad’ I can’t help but love and care about them, they’ve really tried as parents. they’re just heavily indoctrinated old ppl with calcified brains.
Oh hi, it’s me from the past. How’s it going?
So, you have a lot of options.
You said you lived most of your life as a straight man. You can keep doing that if you don’t have dysphoria but mostly gender envy. You can be a guy who presents femme and does the things that make you envious. That’s what I did for a good while.
While reckoning with your parents is obviously the best choice, you could also just never come out to them and identify spaces where it’s safe for you to present the way you like.
I’m not sure what “great personal cost and unique safety issue” you’re referring to, but that stuff is real and needs to be taken into account. Consider how intense your gender feelings are (seems like you’ve had them for at least 5 years) and then weigh those feelings against the loss and safety risks. Then, make a decision. If it won’t hurt too bad, maybe you want to just keep living the way you are. On the other hand, you may be inflating the risks and loss in your mind.
All together, transition is a choice to be made. While some people bottle up these feelings until they explode later, it doesn’t happen to everyone, and some folks can just live with it. So… Just weigh your options.
I just have this voice that says
CW; possible transphobia
#spoiler ‘what if you’re wrong and you’ve alienated Your family for the sake of nothing but self-indulgent, pointless navel gazing.’
“what if in wrong” is an incredibly common thought.
You can always keep doing what you’re doing until you’re more sure. It sounds like you’re already dressing femme. Unfortunately, it’s hard to figure out if you’re wrong until you try.
spoiler
I’ve started HRT about 3 months ago and I still haven’t come out to some of my family (well, I kinda have… a couple times, but not really?). One of the few reasons I haven’t is because if I decide to stop, I don’t want to have to un-come-out. Anyways, hard to imagine many cis people being so worried about finding out they aren’t trans.