Idk what to do. I might be trans, might just be someone who wants to look cute and I can’t tell the difference anymore. Also permanently transitioning will come at great personal cost and might be a unique safety issue. Also I never had any dysphoric thoughts before 26-27y of age. I’m 31 now I’ve lived most of my life as a straight man maybe just keep going lmao. But I do have gender envy for days. Point being why now. Also it’ll break my mother’s heart if she so much as sees me in a skirt. Dad’s too lol. Say what you will about ‘that’s on them, not your problem, transphobes bad’ I can’t help but love and care about them, they’ve really tried as parents. they’re just heavily indoctrinated old ppl with calcified brains.
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Also I never had any dysphoric thoughts before 26-27y of age.
my egg didnt crack until i was 25 and if you asked pre-transition me if i experienced dysphoria i wouldve told you no. turns out that i was just so dissociated/used to it/repressed that i couldnt recognize it. and as ashinadash said, you don’t need it to be trans.
What do I need then? Just a desire to be feminine?
Nobody cis says gender envy ^^
what magi said tbh. a lot of us just chase the gender envy/euphoria
I’ve felt dysphoria for less time then you
I’m in a similar situation with my parents and I don’t have any advice, just this
I’m sorry but if you can’t give advice then give me money
Well if you really want advice, here’s some I can’t follow myself, at least yet. (I try not to give advice I can’t follow normally but
) Sorry if it sounds harsh, a lot of that harshness is directed inwards.Live your best life, wearing all the skirts you desire. It’s okay to make your life about you, not making other people happy. I mean, how sad is that? Making your only life about people who don’t want you to be yourself? We get one single, short life on this earth. If wearing skirts makes you happy you should do it, and if wearing boy clothes makes you sad you shouldn’t. If your parents are incompatible with you being happy, pick yourself.
*this advice is assuming no immediate danger
**also I hope if you actually need money, you post on mutual aid
Thank you for saying this, I hope that in time you can make it a guiding principle for yourself as well.
Also I never had any dysphoric thoughts before 26-27y of age.
That’s ok, you don’t need any. Cool gender envy :)
I think if they really do care as parents, they’ll realise that you are still you and being trans is cool. Safety issues are more worth considering imo.
I’d argue that they do actually care which is why they will never accept it because of their beliefs(I’ll burn in hell for eternity etc). If they didn’t care they’d be like eh nothing to do with me. I have moved out, could never even consider this otherwise, quite literally when I lived there I didn’t have the space in my head to think about identity or introspect or care about how I looked at all lol. But safety does remain an issue because… Idk how far people might go to try and save me lol.
Oh… religious
What I mean is that if they really give a shit about you and aren’t utter fucking losers, they would probably reconsider. I find sometimes a good “ok you’ll not be in my life anymore, come back if you quit being a transphobe” works wonders on the extreme end.If you have your own space though Idk what the barrier is. “how far people might go to try and save me”?
Unfortunately they care but are losers lol. And I have reason to believe that they’ll uh… pursue their self appointed quest. It’s a coin flip since I’ve known them to do more for less but at the same time getting old so who even knows. And beyond that there’s just the regular hate crimes and stuff to be wary of.
Edit: maybe relevant but I’m not in the states/West so legal advice might not be applicable
They’re not like, allowed to do that, though? You are an adult, surely. You are your own person and not beholden to your parents.
Also if this is their behaviour they do not care about you, they care about a ridiculous construction of you that cannot be infringed upon in their minds.
I mean yes they aren’t allowed legally etc but most people don’t care about parental overreach where I am. And most landlords will just evict a tenant if they know there’s a possibility of people showing up making a ruckus etc, more trouble than worth etc.
Again not an absolute certainty because they’re getting old but a possibility I need to consider… All this for something I’m not even sure about and was not even a thought for most of my life.
I transitioned mid 30s and it took for me to be at my lowest point before I did. You should consider your own happiness in the longterm.
It sucks that it had to happen this way for you but I’m glad you were able to transition
Feels like I’m doing it for attention
No lmao because transition usually brings the wrong kind of attention. This is a chud meme and needs to die!
Wow that is incredibly fucked up. Mao proves to have been right in the strangest of situations.
I dunno, I can’t force you to wear the skirt, especially against your own safety/at risk of eviction. Unless you want me to ig?
I was in a lot more privileged a position, (even though I got kicked out lol) but personally I made transition, and making my body comfortable and enjoyable for me, my top priority. I thought, fuck anyone else having a say in what I do with my body and self.I’m already wearing the skirts fully dolling up etc sometimes when I go out, I just meant for starting hrt or something that makes presenting as masc difficult etc for when I see them.
How do you define dysphoric thoughts?
I didn’t think I had dysphoria until I put on a dress and stopped normalizing it, at 44.
Here’s some reflection after the fact. Hated puberty. Hated getting hair all over. Never felt like a man, always a boy. Never really enjoyed penetrative sex, always felt weird to me but I did it anyway because I thought I was supposed too. Preferred my head hair long but often wore it short for safety. Preferred pink but never allowed myself to wear it because of safety. Reoccurring dreams where I’m a woman. Preferring to play women in RPGs, as long as I wasn’t being bullied for it. The list goes on.
But the mind can be quite adapt at hiding from itself . It’s an adaptation to survive bullying. When I started accepting that I was genderqueer and likely trans, the puzzle pieces started to fit.
Another excellent way to tell if you have gender dysphoria, is if you get gender euphoria when you allow yourself to be yourself.
And so far, I only cracked my egg last month, that euphoria has been a guiding light for me out of a lifetime of depression, anxiety, and general self hatred.
Sorry your parents are religious. My family is not and it’s still been difficult for them to accept. It’s been difficult for me to accept too, as there is a lot of misinformation about what it is to be trans. A lot of gas lighting and gatekeeping from people who want to pretend that we don’t exist.
But the joy I feel being myself is worth it. And as my family sees my joy, they come to accept that this is real.
Never felt like a man, always a boy.
Oof owwie, stop that hurts.
Woah thanks so much for sharing. I’ve felt a lot of these things at one time or another. (Except the part that I do enjoy penetrative sex but not more than other stuff, I wouldn’t wanna lose pp function tbh) I’m so glad your family has come around and you feel joy being who you are
It’s mostly trying to cum that feels like a chore. And feeling like I should check in every two minutes with my gf to make sure she’s still comfortable. It’s physically pleasurable but emotionally a chore.
I don’t like receiving oral for the same reasons.
Both are a lot more enjoyable when I can let go of that. But overall I think I’d prefer to own a strap-on over a cock.
Okay yeah it definitely feels that way at times
slides in, nsfw info
You might know this already but not only do many trans people enjoy insertive sex, but you can also keep your downstairs functioning as it is on hormones very easily ✨
Also I should have said, testosterone cream is an option. I do have some attachment to keeping it. I don’t know if I will or not.
But I’ve looked at options. And testosterone cream will help maintain function.
Interesting. I read about that too. I guess first things first though, need to find horse piss dealer
Here’s some reflection after the fact. Hated puberty. Hated getting hair all over. Never felt like a man, always a boy. Never really enjoyed penetrative sex, always felt weird to me
Relate so much to this. Probably the biggest proof to shut up my lingering egg denial…
the joy I feel being myself is worth it
I’m glad you’ve finally been able to become who you are!
Thanks! I scheduled an appointment to look at starting hormones. I’m very lucky to have Medicare and good gender affirming care through my health care conglomerate. Only have to wait 19 more days for the appointment!
There is still time
To WHAT? I don’t even know
Well there’s still time for you to figure it out!
But honestly from your post, it kinda sounds like you do
I might be trans, might just be someone who wants to look cute and I can’t tell the difference anymore
Oh hi, it’s me from the past. How’s it going?
So, you have a lot of options.
You said you lived most of your life as a straight man. You can keep doing that if you don’t have dysphoria but mostly gender envy. You can be a guy who presents femme and does the things that make you envious. That’s what I did for a good while.
While reckoning with your parents is obviously the best choice, you could also just never come out to them and identify spaces where it’s safe for you to present the way you like.
I’m not sure what “great personal cost and unique safety issue” you’re referring to, but that stuff is real and needs to be taken into account. Consider how intense your gender feelings are (seems like you’ve had them for at least 5 years) and then weigh those feelings against the loss and safety risks. Then, make a decision. If it won’t hurt too bad, maybe you want to just keep living the way you are. On the other hand, you may be inflating the risks and loss in your mind.
All together, transition is a choice to be made. While some people bottle up these feelings until they explode later, it doesn’t happen to everyone, and some folks can just live with it. So… Just weigh your options.
I just have this voice that says
CW; possible transphobia
#spoiler ‘what if you’re wrong and you’ve alienated Your family for the sake of nothing but self-indulgent, pointless navel gazing.’
“what if in wrong” is an incredibly common thought.
You can always keep doing what you’re doing until you’re more sure. It sounds like you’re already dressing femme. Unfortunately, it’s hard to figure out if you’re wrong until you try.
spoiler
I’ve started HRT about 3 months ago and I still haven’t come out to some of my family (well, I kinda have… a couple times, but not really?). One of the few reasons I haven’t is because if I decide to stop, I don’t want to have to un-come-out. Anyways, hard to imagine many cis people being so worried about finding out they aren’t trans.
