…that will be $300 thank you.
lol there’s definitely a few clients like that. how many of them are holding the kerosene?
Been in therapy quite a bit for most of the last 8 years. I just canceled my future appointments because I’m actually doing OK at the moment, but I’ve seen the toll the last few months have taken on my therapist (since the election) despite her best efforts to hide it. I feel terrible for these wonderful people that help shoulder the burdens of others. They are the shock troops bearing the brunt of defense in the current culture war.
Completely vulnerable moment
As a person long overdue to get some mental help. I’ve been really motivated to get myself better since early last year. Had some events happen where I was like, yeah I need to handle my shit.
I’ll say the process so far is my biggest hurdle. Took ages to get a referral, once I got the referral took ages to get seen. When I finally was seen it was the wrong fit. Now I’m waiting until next week to start again and push for different referrals, all so my insurance covers some of it (maybe).
Meanwhile I’m doing the best I can, but certainly think about just throwing in the towel and drowning myself in drugs again. Which worked a long time until it really really didn’t work. But the thought of finally getting my foot in the door to spend months and thousands trying to even find a root cause just feels utterly pointless. Also now raw dogging life without anything to dull it but some doctor prescribed sleeping pills is challenging to say the least.
Still the worst part is explaining the laundry list of my past trauma to strangers just to get them up to speed. Hopefully to help pinpoint where I need to focus my efforts on getting better. Last fellow just had to say “well you made it this far and seem to be doing better than most of my patients”. Essentially call me back when you have a full blown meltdown, because I only deal with extremes. That shit was deflating, sorry for being proactive and trying to get help before I get committed somewhere?
I’ve spent a really long time keeping my issues in check, I’ve become very good at what to say or not say that is bouncing around my skull. Now that I can’t do it anymore it seems to throw a lot of people for a loop.
Anyhow feels like some sort of shitty race to see if my mind breaks first or I get help before that happens. Than when I do get to the right step 1 there will be this slow trial and error I need to go through. Which I completely understand is necessary, but it’s not giving me much hope.
That person on fire is probably like that because the healthcare system just kept dosing it with gasoline before they stepped foot in the office.
Idk if it will make you feel any better, but you’re not alone. I have a few people in my life who struggle the same as you are, and it emotionally fucks with me. As someone who is somewhat put together myself, to see these people I care about genuinely try to get help and do the right thing to get better - all to be mistreated and counted as another number hurts so bad. I can see it in their tear soaked eyes, and I can hear it in their cries and desperate pleas for help that they feel so helpless and feel like nothing is working no matter how hard they try. I try to listen, to comfort, and to maybe give advice and motivation to keep trying, but it’s all so hard.
The mental health care system in the u.s. is abysmal, it’s gut-wrenchingly bad. It fails people every day. Every day people relapse because they feel like it’s the only way to cope with whatever it is they’re dealing with. I wish I could help more people, I wish I could help you all.
i feel this so much.
i have a referral on the table to begin sessions with a new therapist and have been putting off making the appointment because of the tedium of “getting it all out there” only to find out months from now that (for whatever reason) it was a wasted effort.
i honestly don’t know what progress would look like. does it make sense for me to get my expectations in order before making the appointment?.. or should i just jump in?
I feel like this the blind leading the blind. But I settled on trying to push for a psych evaluation instead of jumping into sessions. I’ve also been journaling my mental state and sleep daily, so I can be prepared this time. Roughest thing I did was physically writing out my past trauma/history, but figured I’d have that on hand too so I had a checklist of things I can remember to talk about. Maybe disconnect it when I talk about it.
Figure with all that at least I can get a baseline opinion out of it and if I don’t like the person this time I have some actionable items I can plug in for people that specialize in what might crop up.
My issues though are not clear so I’m just struggling to find the right path. I hope you keep at it, just as much as I do.
this is excellent advice. my immediate response to it is, of course, to cringe and shy away. but i admit that a bit of journaling would raise my confidence level a lot.
I’m sorry you are going through that. If you’re unaware psychologytoday.com is a great resource. They let you search based on insurance, specialties, in person/virtual, any preferences one might have, and the professionals also might include info about them maybe even a video. I hope you get the help you have been fighting for soon.
Thanks, I have gone there and it was helpful.
I made the mistake the first time by just taking my family doctor’s opinion because I’m newer to the area and have no idea where to start. He sent me to the group who had asshole #1 and I found out afterwards that guy had a lot negative reviews for the same issues I had. The group was ok, but he was the worst and I got placed with him because everyone else was full. I was ignorant and was just desperate to get “somewhere”. Boy was that a mistake.
Bigger problem I’m finding is there is a very small list for my area. Once I popped in the filter for non-secular it gets barren. I live in a very religious area, I’m not anti-religion. But I am an atheist that doesn’t want to go to someone who tells me to confide in God to heal myself. Been to one of those before, just doesn’t work.
Essentially I have narrowed it down to two.
Even as someone who’s religious, I’m not going to pay a therapist what a priest will tell me whether or not I pay. (This is pretending my religion would even have therapists peddling it as though this wasn’t just an extremely Christian thing).
I should add “as a therapist in the US.” I have a lot of gay and trans clients, and it’s… bleak.
I know I should go to therapy but then I feel bad burdening a therapist with things like, “I’m so angry that the only thing that helps me sleep is imagining the entire current administration getting hit by a very localized meteor,” because like, this shit is too big and we all have our coping mechanisms, right? At least mine isn’t substance abuse or self harm.
Oh, I encourage my clients to imagine stuff like that if it helps. Totally valid way to cope.
Oh well then I’m doing great! In a manner of speaking.
This made me laugh outwardly. Thanks stranger. If it means anything I think your great. Get in a spell and just need to type something out, save my comment and send me a message. 4 years from now, no worries. Worst that happens is I don’t see it for a bit. Best case maybe I get lucky and say something comforting. But often I find that just knowing someone spent the time to listen/read makes people feel a bit of comfort
Are you telling me that, after a breakup, when I imagined my ex and the guy she went back to having horrible things happen to them as a way to fall asleep… I wasn’t being a sociopath?
Told my therapist that I often imagine running my ex over with my car, and he said that as long as I’m not planning on doing that irl that it’s perfectly normal and understandable.
I’ve always wanted to traumatize a therapist by explaining how we live on a planet that is being systematically dismantled piece by piece.
I’ve always wanted to traumatize a therapist by explaining how we live on a planet that is being systematically dismantled piece by piece.
Most therapists have a good understanding about systemic problems. If they are social workers that is basically all of what social work school is about. So you can’t say anything they haven’t heard.
Therapists aren’t made of psychic porcelain, they actually go to therapy to process the stuff they deal with.
But it fills my heart with joy to imagine it. Never gonna actually try to, I know they could handle it.
I have had therapists be unable to agrue with my reasoning for wanting to kill myself. It’s not hard to break them, which is why it’s taken me decades to find one worth a damn.
My sister is trans and getting all of her forms of ID because she’s 18 (and needs a job), and we lost it in a move across the country. I have to be there along with two other people to prove she’s a person. She just wants to exist like anyone else, and people are shitting on her because she’s a girl. I want to strangle the world.
Oh, this most certainly adds a lot of context, I’m sorry…
Yeah, it feels really awful right now. And I want to stick my head in the sand with the news but I know I can’t, or things will just get worse.
OMG yes, I soooo wish I could, but my brain needs input! Not knowing does not compute. I originally had the plan to block all the news/political communities as soon as I knew the election outcome, but not knowing what is coming feels worse than the emotional weight of knowing good people are being hurt as a distraction by some shit heads so that they can rob us for all we have (as a country).
Looks like you need a psychologist to put out the fire then go to the therapist to tame any random flare ups.
I went for years of therapy and they would take the dropper and miss me completely. I don’t know what the fuck I did but this angel dropped out of heaven claiming to be part of my benefits and started checking in on me every week to help orginize my healthcare needs. She got me in therapy, then got me to a psychologist. The psychologist was able to treat me within a few sessions and everything got easier.
I honestly could never get the therapist part to work, I don’t really need someone to give me advise. I need someone to make me feel sane and stand me back up. I haven’t found that yet.
As for the angel, she found a new job, passed me off, and the new guy wasn’t as concerned with me.
I don’t know, really it was the work of that random benefits person that saved me. It’s so overwhelming to have suicidal idealation and constant anxiety/panic attacks and then have to deal with a broken healthcare system. What ever that fuckkng service was I cannot praise it enough.
That is so awesome. I love that you called her an angel because that’s what these people are. She might not even know how much of a difference she made for you, she was just doing the right thing because it was the right thing.
Had to look it up, name of the program was On Trak Health. Can’t vouch for this ai stuff they are advertising now but like I said first care coach saved me and second one was meh. The second one was probably fine but I had been spoiled.
The second one was probably fine but I had been spoiled.
Not spoiled. The second one was meh because the first one was doing their job well, which is exactly what you deserved as a client of any health service.
To be fair, she really was exceptional, and had found her true calling.
Therapy takes a while.
It isn’t an instant win. But you will see their bottle that is specifically catered to you will become bigger.
Sometimes it’s a never-win, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go if you need it and are able to afford it.
There’s no therapist on the planet that can help me ‘fix’ myself completely, far too many decades of trauma and paying attention to what’s going on around me, but they do help me maintain and cope. Worth it.
If you’ve been burnt to a crisp, even that tiny splash of water can feel like finding an oasis in the desert.
Thank you for your service.
That’s great to know! And thank you.
Maybe everyone being anxious and depressed is healthy in a dying world.
I tried doing therapy for a while, just to realize everything that stresses me out are totally valid stressors and the solution isn’t to go to therapy but to change our economic system.
the solution isn’t to go to therapy but to change our economic system.
how’s that working out for you? the economic system hasn’t changed and you’re still miserable, right? what if you had more capacity to fight by effectively managing your stressors? wouldn’t that be preferable? or is change just too difficult and this is an easier story to tell yourself? my god this MH community is getting my blood boiling as bad as r/conservative.
You know, pointing out that we’ve failed as a species isn’t the most MH affirming either.
I hope the dopamine you got from shitting out this comment made you feel better :3
Why so dismissive? This is a genuine concern and you’re kinda just doing the same dopamine game. (You even have a smiley face, you’re the happy one here!)
I just don’t understand why you come to a MH community to post anti-MH sentiment.
Can you at least acknowledge that your comment is not a MH affirming attitude? Or do you really not see it???
Your comment came off as dismissive to me.
Mental health is different for everyone. But most stressors come from people’s economic situation, or the stress of abuse caused by someone else probably experiencing too many stressors.
For some people it’s healthier to ignore everything they can’t control, even if it effects them negatively. This helps people cope but also leads to an independent and solitary approach to mental health that I think we try to shoehorn too many people into, which helps keep us isolated and exploitable.
For some it’s better to stay present, aknowledge that the things that effect them negatively can be changed, even if they alone are powerless.
For me personally, what my comment was about, I didn’t like feeling helpless and checked out from reality (yes i know that’s not how everyone feels in this method)
As far as my misery, it’s a scale from depressed/hopeless to enraged/empowerd, and I haven’t been happy my entire life so that’s not really a concern for me. And i have realized my misery is because of all the horrible misery I have to witness in the world I was forced into. It’s completely unnecessary, its honestly offensive. We could have heaven on earth if we just fucking built it. And I beleive if more people felt like me we would fix these issues.
Different strokes for different folks
im so sick of this attitude. human history – no, the history of LIFE – has always been on the brink of destruction. the universe is cold, harsh, and awful. the challenge has ALWAYS been to find a way to live a meaningful life with the time you have here. i’m so sick of attitudes like this exploiting the fact that this isnt a utopia to excuse themselves from making positive changes in their own lives.
how the fuck are we going to create a society that isn’t soul crushing anyway?! is the first step to shit on all the therapists? systemic, societal issues are real barriers in our lives, but they are just BARRIERS. they make the job HARDER but not impossible. how do you think modern existential therapy came out of fucking AUSCHWITZ of all places? do you think they had it peachy?? was Frankl just scamming them?
the current president won the hearts of these magats by selling them the exact same fucking story you’re memeing about. “your misery is society’s fault” and then points the finger at a specific demographic. and these idiots eat that shit up. they never learned how to find meaning in their own lives so they turn to some charlatan who sells them a fantasy. do you really think Trump would have gotten elected if the populace were happy, healthy, and afraid of nothing?? do you really think Trump would have won if the magats went to therapy? THIS is the problem. THIS is why we’re in this mess.
i swear i just find this so absolutely disgusting, so insulting, to say that mental health is just “pills that trick your brain into thinking you dont hate it here”. this nonsense has NO place in a MH affirming community. go back to 4chan
I don’t know about healthy, but yeah it’s a totally reasonable reaction to what’s going on around us to feel despair, if you have any shred of empathy in your body. Therapy does keep me mostly sane from month to month but at this point I’m putting it on hold. I truly believe we’re going to be at war (real war, not culture war) with each other in the US within 5-10 years, so might have to start shifting the therapy money to physical fitness expenses, gear, and ammo. And I intend to start training like-minded people how to ‘protect themselves’ from the aggressors.
Maybe everyone being anxious and depressed is healthy in a dying world.
Nope, humans are normally very emotionally resilient, so all spikes in mood end within 3-4 months at worst. So persistent depressed mood is to be worked on
Anxiety is not the same as being stressed out about some stuff in life. Anxiety is catastrophizing very little problems (like thinking “they hate me” when someone replied 2 minutes late) until you are worn out and the day is ruined
Nope, humans are normally very emotionally resilient, so all spikes in mood end within 3-4 months at worst.
I’m picturing someone giving this speech at Auschwitz.
It can actually get bad enough that constant despair is the completely normal reaction to your circumstances. And in case you haven’t noticed we’re building concentration camps RIGHT NOW. They just aren’t installing ovens. Yet.
To be fair, they might be installing ovens and we just don’t know about them yet.
I don’t know man. Humans have lived through some pretty harrowing stuff in the past, but I’m pretty sure this is the first period in history where humans know they’re teetering on the edge - hell, multiple edges - and not in a metaphysical way, but in a very real, tangible fashion that is essentially visible from day to day and getting worse all the time.
Realizing all of this while also struggling for your own survival seems like more than whatever our minds are meant to be able to cope with. I’m of the opinion that ‘depression’ in its myriad forms is a totally valid reaction to a dying, hostile world in which the future seems uncertain at best and positively dystopian at worst.
civilizations have known they were dying before, this time we have enough of a warning that longer term effects are starting to show in those that can’t find ways to cope (ignore the downfall) with it.
When was the last time in human history we accurately knew the timeline for the extinction of our species?
Sounds like cope.
Have you considered that you might say edgy things because you use the dopamine it gives you as your own coping mechanism?
It is easier to blame everyone else for your problems.
There are healthier ways to feel good than trying to hurt others you have convinced yourself to hate.
Good therapy should hand you the bottle and tell you not to dump it on all at once but to start dripping it on and check in for refills with the refill being a bit larger each time.
It just hit me, I think it may be more appropriate to think about (actually helpful) therapy as placing those drops of water into a bucket, and there are times when that accumulated water doubles itself (breakthroughs, realisations, etc.) More like an investment of sorts.
At least, that’s how it felt as I went through it. It never had a regular progression, it was always about leaps and bounds, then falling on my ass again for a couple of weeks, then snapping out of it when something I’d discussed 6 sessions ago finally clicked into place.
This is definitely true in “regular” times. Meaning when my country is not on political fire. Lately most conversations with marginalized clients revolve around “what do I to stay safe?” and “how the hell can I leave the country?” It’s very sad.
I have heard that schools in my area have begun the process of making “code red” plans if ICE or someone shows up to schools looking for students/parents. It is being done by small groups and no details shared outside of the people they are contacting to share the plan with. It’s all scary as hell and I HATE that it’s even a thing. =(
Edit also thank you for helping those adrift right now!
Heck, my favourite therapist (a very, very empathetic and honest person) retired from psychotherapy before hitting 30 during the Pandemic because they couldn’t take the influx of destabilised people. I can’t even imagine how much more horrible and immediate the situation in the States is right now…
Sincerely wish you and your clients as much peace and safety as humanly possible in these conditions!
Thank you, I appreciate that!
This, except all the fires are going on outside the windows of the therapist’s office, to the horizon, as far as the eye can see.
As a fellow therapist, same
“Also, that’ll be $200”
…now I feel bad for the therapist I’m going to talk with next week. (I’d laugh, but I’d also cry.)
