What else would happen in Heck?
When washing your hands, water always is running into your sleeve.
Satan? Is that you?
And if you don’t wash your hands after using the toilet, your hands will be covered in Doritos dust for a day no matter what.
That’s when you need to use The Cleaner.
A little bit of soap always is missed, and now your hands feel sticky after drying them.
But the soap dispenser is always somehow empty too.
Every meal you eat results in popcorn lodged in between your teeth regardless of what you eat
And you can never find a toothpick for an eternity of searching
Every show you ever watch will be really interesting and engaging ending on a giant season 1 cliffhanger and will be canceled never having a followup episode.
TIL Netflix runs Heck.
Slightly related, Netflix has a show called Exploding Kittens that runs vaguely on this premise.
whether 🏴☠️ is involved or not is none of my business
RIP “The Society”
Everybody’s really nice, but they’re super into virtuosic prog rock and won’t shut up about it.
Duuuuuude! You gotta check out Animals As Leaders tho! They’re prog metal, so they’re like, totally different than the stuff you’ve heard!
Ooh let’s talk djent. Periphery’s first album was incredible, but only the instrumental version. The vocals were annoying.
Agreed! Periphery’s vocals are too poppy for my taste. I’m more of a Meshuggah kind of guy, but I dig bands like Vola and Tesseract too.
Have y’all ever checked out Porcupine Tree? Their In Absentia days were the tops seriously
So, umm, yeah… So guys, y’all all seem really nice, but um, well, the thing is… 🤣🤣🤣
You always get ketchup water when applying ketchup, regardless if someone used it before you or if you’ve shaken the bottle.
I get mustard water, every damned time.
Every fart is a gamble
This is my normal life.
Welcome to Heck.
Ruled by Sathan
I’d take Satan over this.
Rubber undies. It doesn’t really help with the mess, but the farts sound funnier
The first circle of heck is for people who listen to media in public without headphones. They shall walk through life with lots of AV media available to them, but the soundtrack never matches the video.
The second circle of heck is for the people who take up two parking spaces. They are damned to a place where they all have shittier cars than everyone else forever.
The third circle of heck is for people who pull fire alarms as pranks. They may live their lives as normal, except sometimes a loud noise will happen and they will be taken outside the building and drowned with a fire hose for awhile. Forever.
The fourth circle of heck is for programmers who don’t document their code. They will be stranded in a country whose language they have no way of learning.
The fifth circle of heck is for Toyota engineers. For the sin of putting the oil filter directly underneath the exhaust manifold, they shall have the skin of the back of their hands blowtorched off a few times a day, every day.
The sixth circle of heck is for the people who just can’t get out of the way at the grocery store. All of the delicious food they could ever want is buried 5 miles deep, and they are equipped with oven mitts on their hands for digging.
The seventh circle of heck is for people who modify their cars to have loud exhausts, get a dog that barks at all hours of the day, etc. They live normal lives, but they can hear the Sun.
Also, I’m reminded of Billy Joel’s “Blonde Over Blue”
In hell there’s a big hotel
where the bar just closed and the windows never open
no phone so you can’t call home
And the TV works, but the clicker is broken
Giving me Hotel California vibes
It’s actually a straight-up love ballad.
Holy fuck, that last one is evil. Totally deserved.
Nobody chews with their mouth closed, and you aren’t allowed to eat by yourself
I dunno, for me this is legit Hell.
Toasters either barely warm up the bread, or completely carbonize it.
Your pillow is always warm on both sides
I live in a place where it can hit -40… for most of the year, that’s heckven
You have to live with a dog that doesn’t like pets / pats.
So, a cat?
My cat loves pets… but he chooses when.
I’m blessed… my cats love pets AND pats, any time, anywhere, even their bellies. They’re purrfect.
So, been in Heck long?
any time you’re just about to fall asleep you have a 51% chance of hearing a mosquito fly past your ear
And your dreams all start with you trying to fall asleep and there’s a 51% chance of hearing a mosquito fly past your ear. If it happens, you wake up immediately
No! This is straight up Hell material, not Heck!
You can get used to anything. All of these suggestions that start with “everytime” will be changed to “sometimes.” Because it’s the hope that kills ya.
You are perpetually stuck at a 4 way stop sign and no one will go, as everyone is waving everyone else to go first.
Standard fare in the uk already, here we’d be going round and round the roundabout, never able to exit.
Everything glares and your eyes hurt. It also smells constantly of BO and is uncomfortably warm. There is a tinnitus drone on the edge of your hearing. Everyone mumbles. You constantly forget why you came into the room. Food all tastes of cardboard and your scalp itches most of the time. You get cramp in your hands and feet at inopportune times.
I am become heck forgetter of the rest of this line.
Sounds like mondays!
Wait a minute
That’s called aging.
Older. You’re getting older. Heck can wait.
